Not properly dead

(non church-ppl may find this rather baffling!)

I remember once considering the notion of attending my own funeral (spiritually speaking), this came after reading Galatians 2 v 20 (I have been crucified with Christ, it is no longer I that lives but Christ lives in me). On reading this, it became soul-food, and an instant aspiration... I was (and still am) desperate to get to that place where Galatians 2v20 is REAL in me. So i started considering planning, and then attending my own funeral. After a while, i encountered a problem.

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I was not actually dead.

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It is not possible (in good conscience) to bury somebody that is still living and breathing. So I had to plot my demise! and bwoi, there was quite a lot of killing to do. I started with the easiest. (every gamer knows you merk the little guys first, and sort out the boss once you have got to grips with the controls). So I managed to kill a few small foes just with plain and simple effort, and a quick blow to the head. After a while my growing desire to die, strengthed me in the killing spree and enabled me to defeat even stronger soldiers. However to ensure that i was properly dead, I needed to make sure that there was no escape, not like in them films where you think the baddy is dead, but then when your back is turned, he sits back up and shoots you in the back of the head. No. I must NOT be able to sit back up!

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Going back to the scripture, I realised crucifixion is the only way. After all, I am a follower of Jesus, and therefore i gotta go wherever HE WENT, and he went to the cross.

Now, have you ever tried crucifying yourself?

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Believe me, it is not easy. I mean, it is simple enough (although bloody and painful) to bash the 10" nail through your feet. It is even possible (although with some difficulty) to nail 1 of your hands to the cross, having to hold the nail in place with the very hand being crucified.

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However, once 2/3rds crucified you come to the realisation that you are now totally unable to get the 3rd nail in. You have no available limbs left. It is not possible to crucify your 1 free hand, with that same 1 free hand. No.

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At this point, it struck me. I had been doing the whole thing wrong from the beginning. I cannot singlehandedly crucify the flesh... the practicalities of working it out had taught me this the hard way, but common sence and clear spiritual insight should have lead me from the beginning, to ask The Holy Spirit to do it IN me, FOR me and THROUGH me!

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We do not wrestle against flesh and blood..... well, we DO... all the time, but wrestling the flesh does NOT bring the victory, as the power was never in the flesh, it was in the SIN itself, and I cannot conquer sin fully, that is (was) Jesus job!.

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I now realise that it is not about ME TRYING to die. It is about me asking the Holy Spirit to assist me in my dying, and to give me clear sight of the Hope and Life the other side of the funeral